“Know thyself.”– Inscription at the Temple of Apollo in Delphi.
“The first thing for all human beings is to know who they are. Human beings live out their conditioning, they don’t live out who they actually are. They never get an opportunity to live out who they really are because they keep on reinforcing their conditioning all of their life.” – Ra Uru Hu
That year in Chicago was filled with discoveries. The greatest one I described in my last letter: the unequivocal revelation that there is a divinity behind the veil of our perception of the world. A loving presence that encompasses everything. I discovered that this is what I am at the core of my being. That is what we are in essence.
But there were also other awakenings, less dramatic, but very important to me because they radically changed my path.
The first one was the discovery of a deeper connection to art and the realisation that I had the ability to draw. I lived near the Art Institute of Chicago, which is a great museum, so I became a member and spent many hungover Saturdays wandering through its halls. In one occasion , standing in front of a painting by Renoir called “On the Terrace (Two Sisters),” the face of the older sister captivated me. I couldn’t describe what I saw, but it was much more than what was painted there. It moved me deeply, and a tremendous shiver ran through my whole body. Until then, that had only happened to me with music, so that day I felt like I had unlocked a new art.
A few months later and many museum visits later, I saw an exhibition of Rembrandt’s etchings. When I left, I felt an overwhelming desire to try it myself. I went home, took a selfie, and copied it imitating the style of the etchings, in a pocket-sized notebook not much larger than a credit card. The result was the self-portrait I shared in the last letter. I’ll sharing it again.
That year, I discovered that I could draw just as I could write songs and that I could enjoy visual arts as much as music. My interest in engineering, in my final year of college, was almost nonexistent.
The second discovery is related to the black, bristled cat that was my stomach at that time. After living for so long with chronic pain, there came a point where I began to observe it with curiosity instead of simply resisting it. I remember one day, sitting on my bed, when the pain was so intense that I focused all my attention on it. Closing my eyes, I set out to observe it without any resistance. What happened within a few seconds was that the pain dissolved, as if all that poor cat needed was for someone to say to it gently, “I see you.” I repeated this on other occasions, not always with such good results. But that was beside the point. The important thing was that I had discovered meditation, and with it, the fact that my mind has the power to influence the state of my body.
By the way, this is something I have been studying lately from the perspective of quantum mechanics, which says the following: the mind is beyond the physical world. What we think is not determined by what happens in our brain. Actually, the opposite is true. What we think causes the physical world (your body and your perception of the world) to be configured in a certain way. In short: your intention plays a crucial role in what you experience, both within and without you. I will come back to this, as it is so powerful that, despite having discovered it 100 years ago, the world has still not been able to understand, accept, and integrate it.
The third and final great discovery was a gift from my dear David Bowie and Paul Simon. During that time, I listened obsessively to their songs “Space Oddity” and “The Sound of Silence.” I spent my days singing, both at home and in the streets. Often, I would rush home, much like someone rushing to use the bathroom, but for me, it was to write song. That year, I composed many songs, and some were quite good by my standards.
One day, while listening to a Simon & Garfunkel song, “Leaves That Are Green,” I paid attention to the lyrics, which begin:
“I was 21 years when I wrote this song.
I’m 22 now, but I won’t be for long”
Apart from being an amazing beginning, I connected with it a lot because I was 21 at that moment. So, I looked up the age Simon was when he wrote “The Sound of Silence.” Apparently, he wrote it at the age of 21, sitting in the dark in his bathroom. “Hello darkness, my old friend” was a literal description of that moment. Brilliant.
Next, I searched for the story behind “Space Oddity.” The song was released in ’69, coinciding with the Apollo 11 mission landing on the Moon. It was the initial breakthrough of his career, as the BBC used the song of this semi-unknown Bowie as the soundtrack for Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin’s moon landing. But going back to what I was saying, Bowie wrote it a year before, at the age of 21.
As I said before, I was pretty pleased with my songs, until that moment when I suddenly measured myself up against my heroes. This led me to recognise (or perhaps decide) that I had the potential to write songs just as good. None of my songs at that time matched up, and the tension that built up in me was like that of a bow. I decided that I had to pursue that great song. I set the arrow and shot. Eight years later, here I am, still chasing that song-bullseye.
Several great songs have come since then. Some so powerful that they relaxed the tension for a few months, during which I stopped composing. But ultimately, it’s not about writing that great song; it’s about becoming the person who is capable of writing it. It’s an endless process that will continue until God or death dissolve the tension that was created at that moment when I compared what I was with what I could be.
I’m beginning to understand that the archer, the bow in tension, the unstoppable arrow, and the unreachable target are all facets of myself. That is the true perpetual motion machine, the mechanism that once activated never stops. The energy to pursue it comes from within, from the heart, which also points the direction. Once discovered and accepted, it’s so clear and powerful that not even the mind, with all its fears and distractions, can oppose it. At this point, I’m not talking about myself anymore. I’m speaking to your heart, hoping it will bring to the light of your awareness what is there, waiting to be discovered, accepted with courage, and carried out with unshakable intention. That is your gift, what you have truly come to do and offer to the world.
Some time ago, I saw an interview with Nina Simone where she said something that became a metaphysical machete my heart uses to cut through the thicket of fears and distractions. I can’t find the exact quote, but the idea is to let love guide your life, not fear. Considering that I had discovered that the ultimate substrate of reality is love, my heart knew that in the end, as crazy as it might seem in the moment, it was actually the safest path because the entire universe would conspire to support me. And it’s been the case so far, very clearly, sometimes even miraculously. And the more I trust in it, the less power fear has over me. And this is not limited to artists; it’s universal, and everyone has a path that, if followed, will lead them to become all that they can be. And there is no greater act of devotion than that: to be all that you can be.
“We are a vocation, in the sense that we are made to perfect ourselves, and we have to find our way. That is the calling. Each person has their gift, their path of perfection, of development. God has not left anyone without a personal project, without a personal gift. It’s up to us to discover that we have that calling, that gift, that project in our hearts and bring it to the surface. And then recognise it as a gift from God.” Anonymous monk in the documentary “Libres” (Free).
A.
“On the terrace (Two sisters)” – Renoir
If while you’re reading this, someone comes to mind who might enjoy reading “Esferas,” don’t hesitate, share it! You can send them this link.
And a final quote, one of my favorites:
“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering it’s a feather bed.”
― Terence McKenna
